on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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