Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
