For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
