How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize