yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
why is half of my head shaved?
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