you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
