Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
