she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and she was petting her beer can
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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