you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
