Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They took my balls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have feelings that need drinking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
