You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
