i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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