i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
