My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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