It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
