i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
