I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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