Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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