Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize