Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
