WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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