his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
