I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
