I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
