not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize