He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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