Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
