You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
