"it" just moved
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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