No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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