this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
