I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
