Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
