I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need moral support for this bender
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
