I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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