ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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