I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
