1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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