I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
