there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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