one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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