dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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