i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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