Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
