You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
