Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
