Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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