Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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