my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
