I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize