im about as happy as oj after his trial
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
