Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
