Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
