between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
