Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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