erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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