I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
