Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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