Someone shit on the floor
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize