I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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