Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
