SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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