you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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