She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
