I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize