bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
