We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
