The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
