You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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