What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
