Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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