So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
