Your face is a jimmy john
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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