i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
