Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
