We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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