how can u be prego again
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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