shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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