Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
