im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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