Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
