i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
