The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
