I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i came on her dog
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So vagazzling was a success
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
