Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
