I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
