Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
