i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
