watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
