im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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