Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
