Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
