he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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