Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
