I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
