It's Friday. Sex?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
