that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize