it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
