i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
