I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
