Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
