I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
