Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
