Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize