i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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