Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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