I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
