1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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