There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
