Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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