Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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