Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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