Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
