i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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