his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
