Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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