What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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