I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
