you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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