i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And then he peed in my hair
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