So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
