remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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